Flowers, grass, trees, sand
Waves, water, salty goodness
Take 5, Take 4, Take 3…
2, 1…
Rest, revive, revitalize…
Relax, sleep…
Dream, believe, foresee
Pray…draw nigh
Endure
Trials, court, prisoners…
Injustice
Society…
Expectations, standards
Cruelty…
Happiness
Family, friends…
Love, peace
Contentment.
Flowers, grass, trees…
Fresh air…
Breathe in…exhale
Breathe out…inhale
Live…love…enjoy…
Life!
Friday, February 22, 2008
One of a Kind./?
I’m coming to the realization that I am one of a kind in a full house. You may say, “There’s no such thing.” And that’s what I thought too. But, the more I come into my own identity, the more I realize where I stand. And right now, I feel like I stand alone in the midst of a crowd.
I now know that most people can’t relate to my story. In fact, most people don’t even know my story. Contrary to popular belief, my life has not been average. I’ve been through a lot of things that most people haven’t experienced. And it’s these things that have shaped me into what I am. You may say, “Well, everybody goes through things.” That is true, but everybody’s situation is different, and everybody’s response is not the same. So, when you look at me, don’t just look at me. Try to understand me before you judge. You may ask “Dang, do you really have to act that way?” and the definite answer is “Yes!” Then you may say, “Why don’t you do this or that? It won’t hurt you.” Well, until you’ve walked a day in my shoes, you don’t know what will hurt me. I have a reason behind every decision I make, whether you know the reason or not. I refuse to be like everyone else. I refuse to do things that I have no desire to do. So just let me be me.
On another note, this is 2008. Last year was a tough year for me, and God has brought me through a lot. I feel that I owe Him more of myself, and I am allowing Him to increase in me as I decrease. So, if you notice that I may not be wanting to do some things that I did last year, I’m not trying to be funny. And I’m not trying to be better than anyone else. I’m simply trying to grow in Christ and find myself in Him. I feel that He is speaking louder to me than ever before, and I am listening to His voice. No, I’m not perfect, but I’m trying to please Him and no one else. And, as a friend, if you can’t accept any of the changes that I might make, then maybe you were never a friend. I love you all, but I love God more. And that’s that.
And as far as my status of being one of a kind in a full house, maybe I’m not so alone as I think. God has blessed me with each one of you, and you guys make my life all the more enjoyable. And even if none of you share my ideas, beliefs, or my train of thought all the time, I thank you all for being there. I know I can be quite the puzzle at times!
I now know that most people can’t relate to my story. In fact, most people don’t even know my story. Contrary to popular belief, my life has not been average. I’ve been through a lot of things that most people haven’t experienced. And it’s these things that have shaped me into what I am. You may say, “Well, everybody goes through things.” That is true, but everybody’s situation is different, and everybody’s response is not the same. So, when you look at me, don’t just look at me. Try to understand me before you judge. You may ask “Dang, do you really have to act that way?” and the definite answer is “Yes!” Then you may say, “Why don’t you do this or that? It won’t hurt you.” Well, until you’ve walked a day in my shoes, you don’t know what will hurt me. I have a reason behind every decision I make, whether you know the reason or not. I refuse to be like everyone else. I refuse to do things that I have no desire to do. So just let me be me.
On another note, this is 2008. Last year was a tough year for me, and God has brought me through a lot. I feel that I owe Him more of myself, and I am allowing Him to increase in me as I decrease. So, if you notice that I may not be wanting to do some things that I did last year, I’m not trying to be funny. And I’m not trying to be better than anyone else. I’m simply trying to grow in Christ and find myself in Him. I feel that He is speaking louder to me than ever before, and I am listening to His voice. No, I’m not perfect, but I’m trying to please Him and no one else. And, as a friend, if you can’t accept any of the changes that I might make, then maybe you were never a friend. I love you all, but I love God more. And that’s that.
And as far as my status of being one of a kind in a full house, maybe I’m not so alone as I think. God has blessed me with each one of you, and you guys make my life all the more enjoyable. And even if none of you share my ideas, beliefs, or my train of thought all the time, I thank you all for being there. I know I can be quite the puzzle at times!
I'm Learning How to Swim
I have just been drowning in a vast pool of emotions. Every time I think I am about to reach the shore of sanity or at least catch a breath of fresh air, the wind blows and the waves start slapping me in the face. It makes it that much harder for me to fight. I am starting to get tired and my body is turning cold…just like my heart that is growing bitterer by the second...bitter towards those lifeguards on shore who are watching me helplessly fight the water. They know that I can’t swim, yet they are distracted by their own agendas. They don’t care about my survival. Instead, they call out to me occasionally, “Are you ok?!” I can barely catch my breath, but I find enough strength to cover my obvious distress and I reply, “I’m ok, really I am.” But how can they ignore what is right before their eyes. I realize that I can’t understand their blindness. And because I can’t understand it, I can’t make them see. So, instead, I build up enough strength, through God, and I fight against the waves and the wind. I realize that I have to teach myself to swim. I can’t depend on anyone else for my survival. It’s all up to me…because I refuse to drown…I refuse…
This metaphor describes my feelings for the past several weeks, but more specifically this week. I’ve been riding on an emotional rollercoaster and I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. But I’ve been refraining. Instead, I put on this smile and pretend to be happy as if everything is okay. I just wish that someone would take their head out of their own little world and just show some true concern for a friend. I’m not necessarily referring to a specific person, but to all of ya’ll. However, because I have to write this letter, I feel that it is now too late…the impression has already been made.
This metaphor describes my feelings for the past several weeks, but more specifically this week. I’ve been riding on an emotional rollercoaster and I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. But I’ve been refraining. Instead, I put on this smile and pretend to be happy as if everything is okay. I just wish that someone would take their head out of their own little world and just show some true concern for a friend. I’m not necessarily referring to a specific person, but to all of ya’ll. However, because I have to write this letter, I feel that it is now too late…the impression has already been made.
Like a Lily...
This is a sonnet that I wrote a while back. I feel like it explains many people's love situation, including my own. I'm learning that this is not a good way to be...Is my love like a lily in a field
Amidst nigrescent thorns lying so low
With thirsty flames encircling like a shield?
If so, this lily can't be harmed by foe,
For the thorns pierce them as they draweth near;
Their fresh scars are burned by the blazing heat,
With nothing to ease their pain so severe.
Yet, the lily stands, never to retreat.
Its petals the softest one can derive;
Its scent impeding the reeking smoke.
But amongst these conditions can it thrive?
Due to the thorns, its root begins to choke.
The heat smothers the sepals up above.
The lily dies. Is this like mine own love?
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