I'm Learning How to Swim

I have just been drowning in a vast pool of emotions. Every time I think I am about to reach the shore of sanity or at least catch a breath of fresh air, the wind blows and the waves start slapping me in the face. It makes it that much harder for me to fight. I am starting to get tired and my body is turning cold…just like my heart that is growing bitterer by the second...bitter towards those lifeguards on shore who are watching me helplessly fight the water. They know that I can’t swim, yet they are distracted by their own agendas. They don’t care about my survival. Instead, they call out to me occasionally, “Are you ok?!” I can barely catch my breath, but I find enough strength to cover my obvious distress and I reply, “I’m ok, really I am.” But how can they ignore what is right before their eyes. I realize that I can’t understand their blindness. And because I can’t understand it, I can’t make them see. So, instead, I build up enough strength, through God, and I fight against the waves and the wind. I realize that I have to teach myself to swim. I can’t depend on anyone else for my survival. It’s all up to me…because I refuse to drown…I refuse…

This metaphor describes my feelings for the past several weeks, but more specifically this week. I’ve been riding on an emotional rollercoaster and I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. But I’ve been refraining. Instead, I put on this smile and pretend to be happy as if everything is okay. I just wish that someone would take their head out of their own little world and just show some true concern for a friend. I’m not necessarily referring to a specific person, but to all of ya’ll. However, because I have to write this letter, I feel that it is now too late…the impression has already been made.